I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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