oh god the rape fog is back!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
