Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
