I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
