I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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