Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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