she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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