Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
