This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
