Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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