You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize