and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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