3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just high enough for therapy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize