Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
