She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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