Will you blow on my dice?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
nutella sex= disaster
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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