I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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