i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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