I wanna bring you to show and tell
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
