My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
