some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize