if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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