New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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