Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
