mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
