She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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