i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize