I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
