She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
