Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
