i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize