god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
