STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
