Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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