May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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