Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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