He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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