highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
