I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize