I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
