I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize