i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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