I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
