Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
