you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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