wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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