last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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