On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I supernannyed him into submission
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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