My friends, they love my intelligence
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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