Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
