some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
