on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
