i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
