life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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