Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize