you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
