He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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