cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
