just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
