I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
