It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
