im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize