Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
