the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Are my feet made of real feet?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
