Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
