'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
