Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
