Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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