he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize