She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
