you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
