and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
