I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
