apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
