talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
