i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize