her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
